her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
