I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
