What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
