are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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