All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He felt like a one man threesome
i drank out of a bidet.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
