Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
