how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
