I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
