Dual....:-)
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
