hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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