the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
