I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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