the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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