i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
