So drunk its hurt
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
