Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
