...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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