I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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