My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
