You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
