last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
