a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
