Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
