i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize