that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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