Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
