i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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