yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
