I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
