if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
