I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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