I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
