What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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