***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
