Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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