There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
