Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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