i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
