One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We were destined to go to rehab together
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
