Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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