i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
