Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
