Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Someone shattered a urinal.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
