thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
