Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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