The maid of honor just puked.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
