You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
