so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
