My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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