I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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