There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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