ya dads aren't the best wingmen
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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