you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
