Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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