it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize