i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
