just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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