The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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