One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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