He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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