I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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