I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So. Much. Porn.
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