im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
