His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
3pm strippers are depressing
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
