His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
