Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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