Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
