Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
