Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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