I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I'm really busy with my period
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
