I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
