he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
