Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
