my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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