I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
