yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
