my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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