Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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