white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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