Betty ford says i'm here all night
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
